Serious Procrastination

So I'm officially off on script until next Thursday. I'm hoping to pick up next Monday and Wednesday at the bar. But before I sit down and starting writing about Malik being a cliche and Jason holding Bible study at his house to impress the new coach, I need to update you on on few things.

Here we go:

MY MOTHER.

Ellen had her eye surgery yesterday. She's doing well. Here's what she'll tell you in order of how she'll tell you:
1) She was in and out quick. In at 6:30am out by 9:30am.
2) All the nurses were so nice.
3) If she has gone by what Joan Keating had told her she would've been petrified to have the procedure done because Joan swears they didn't knock her out enough and she could hear them cutting into her eye. (Really?! What sound did it make?) But there were no problems what so ever.
4) She totaled her car on Saturday.
5) She nor the five other senior citizen were hurt but she was so mad she wanted to smack the 18 yr old who hit them who was in such a hurry to get nowhere.
6) She's not positive but she bets the "little bitch" was on the phone.

If she relays all this to you on the phone, expect it to take about 6 hours.


MABEL

Our Clumber Spaniel with a compulsive eating disorder gobbled up yet another pacifier. No, we don't have any babies in this house nor have we had one since Sammy, my niece, was here 2 years ago when Larry, Michelle, their two kids and my mother were visiting from Boston. One Friday night my mother was babysitting the two kids at my house while my brother and his wife had a night out. Larry and Michelle had barely sat down to dinner when they got a call that all hell had broken loose.
Garret (pictured left) had slammed his head against the glass coffee table and Samantha (pictured below) had been woken up by his screaming and couldn't get back to sleep because they couldn't find her pacifier. Kerri (not pictured because she'd kill me) is a nurse and thankfully was sitting with my mother when all this went down. She stitched Garret up with some new skin and he was a good as gold. Samantha on the other hand couldn't sleep without a pacifier. The one she had lost was hospital issued and the only one they had brought with them. She basically screamed the rest of the trip. We found it a few weeks and a few thousand dollars later in the small intestine of Mabel.

Mabel somehow found another pacifier in the street, gobbled it down and after seven days and almost as many thousand dollars had this second one cut out of her as well. We're obviously thinking about putting her down.

Kidding. Maybe.